Gawds.

He and I fought over a stupid thing- he misunderstood me, I overestimated him. "YOU said you don't like him anymore, but all I hear about from you is HIM!" I remember the guy screaming at me. I was indignant, of course, because he made me feel like some slut who needed attention badly. I retorted, with a stinging tone, "Will you lay off for once? Why do you keep messing with my life anyway? It's not like you ARE my boyfriend!"

Those words hit him. HARD.

So after that we never talked to each other. He went on with his life, I went on mine. But there was something missing: the quiet afternoons in the library together, the guffawing behind the class, everything I used to do with him were...empty now.

It went on like that for two whole weeks. I guess the only good thing that happened was that I was able to study harder just to keep him off my mind. The days were like years every single minute without him. But pride kept me from apologizing, or making the first move.

At last, when all exams were over, me and a group of chosen friends (I did not choose them however) went out together to watch Resident Evil: extinction together to celebrate the end of such a tiring study week. He was with us. I guess we were cool by then, but we didn't talk. It's either we were too shy or we did not know what to say. For me, it's the second.

When all was done and we were going home, he came to me and said, "I'll come over to your house next week," and I replied okay. Then he and I departed to our separate ways.

Monday came. With everybody gone for the whole day, I was free to do what I wanted. I was lying on the floor on my stomach, reading my copy of Harry Potter 7 (for the 3rd time XD) with the stereos blasting off one of my favorite songs. The door opened, and he walked to where I was lying and sat down before me. We stared at each other, and I sat up. Before I knew I was in his arms, and he was mumbling "sorry, I'm so sorry..." in my ear. I didn't say anything. I was just glad it was over.

The rest of the days went by as it should. That's my love life. XD

The tragedy of August 29, 2007

The truth. Yeah, everyone might be willing to hear my version of the story. They're probably intrigued of what I might be feeling, and why I had gone awfully quiet throughout the day.

But you wouldn't understand. To an artist, each artwork is the result of effort and hard work. Each piece symbolizes what the artist had been feeling while she made the art. In other words, whatever paper it was drawn on, it is still a part of the artist's soul.

My eyes grew large in terror as he started tugging my two works from where I was concealing them-underneath my notebook and bible. I had no intention of drawing, really. I was just looking at them before he came in. I didn't have time to put it back to where it should be, because he had said it himself-do not put your hands under the table. In fact, I still listened and took down notes on what he was saying in front. The smallest mistake was when I carefully and lovingly darkened a line with my pencil (I was supposed to design my notebook with it, so I had the pencil for a good reason).

It happened so fast. Before I knew it my two most precious masterpieces were a bit crumpled in between his fingers, raised so high for everyone in the class to see. He asked me what they were, and I answered truthfully. He didn't believe me. With a menacing smile he read the 3 names to countdown. Kael'thas, Maiev, Anub'arak...My hands trembled and sweat poured down my face, as I stared at him open mouthed, in a horrible realization of what he was going to do. Lips still curved in a malicious grin, he ripped them apart before my eyes.

It took quite a while for the reality to settle in. I couldn't believe it. My artworks...my efforts...all one in a few rips.

Then everything was back to normal again, as if no murder had taken place. But my soul was hollow. I let my body run on auto-pilot; I was hardly listening now, and I don't remember writing down anything. For in my ears, I could still hear the distinct tearing of paper.

I didn't eat or do anything of importance the rest of the day. The emptiness I was feeling made me forget about my appetite, and there was a bad taste in my mouth. I kept on repeating to my self that I could make another copy of those artworks. Or I could ask for the pieces and tape them together. But nothing would ever be the same. And besides, I couldn't draw after that. The shock left my hands numb and weak, and I couldn't think of anything at all.

That destroyed my enthusiasm on the subject. I don't think I can sit through a whole period anymore. It's all tainted now, and the respect I had for him was gone. How can I admire someone who tore up a part of my soul?

Everything is only a painful remembrance of what occured, and the things lost.

Nothing will change that.

I am SO not emo!

I just look the like. XD

It's been such a long time since I've last posted here. I got too laze, then I forgot my own password, and then....

boom. X_X

So, like my friends, I shall say random stuff! WAHAHA!

asdfhjkl;sadfjlksdjf;sldkjlkxvlk!!!

O.o

Uh. Okay. Nevermind.

Another long day...

My summer is boring. In fact, I'd rather go to school again.

Our forum is fixed again at least. but he's there so it's kinda awkward...I really like this guy, but he likes my best friend instead. That's what hurts the most. I do everything for him to notice me, but he treats me like some dirt because I'm not good enough.

And I guess there's no way that he'd like me anyway. I'm too much for my own good. He doesn't like emo. He wants someone who'd contradict him. Not someone who's like him...

So when we're online at the same time, I ignore this person. If he posts something for me I don't answer back. I don't want to talk, I just want to get away.

T_T My life sucks.

Rain, rain go away...it's gone! O_O

The day started oddly enough. I woke up at 7:00 and came out to eat a toast or two. After that I proceeded to my usual morning ceremonies. By 8:00 I was playing DOTA on the computer.

After one session it started to rain. This was surprising because It hardly rained here in Zamboanga. I celebrated for a minute (no reason) and continued playing.

Then the ligths went out.

I was angry. Furious! I walked to the balcony and breathed the sweet, damp air to cool down.

Five minutes later it was gone.

The rain was gone. The sun was shining once again, erasing traces of the weather five minutes earlier from the ground. What the-?

At least the lights are back. =3

A Realization.

I know there was a saying that goes, 'You don't know what you have till it's gone". For some time I thought that this was just a saying from a man who thinks himself wise. But after my recent 'move on' I realized that this wasn't some crap after all.

You see, I had been brought to a place far, far away from where I had grown and lived in. It hurt to leave everything behind of course, and I guess I was the last one of the family who recovered. Perhaps I haven't yet. There will be no more laughs with my friends, no more sneaking around the faculty room to get a peak at my English teacher- and I miss them all. I guess I'll never have a chance to study at SPCP again, because after I graduate I'm moving on to Canada, where my friends would most unlikely be.

Today I've been cleaning my room, and while doing so I found those happy little memoirs of before hidden inside my drawers and cabinets. I didn't cry anymore-I thought that it was useless now. Crying won't bring back anything, won't change the course of my present state.

I wish that when I had the chance, I had been the best friend there could ever be to my friends. I wish we never had argued over little things, never had doubted each other. There are so many could-have-beens. One of them was graduating Grdae school with them.

We were all tied up in the same string of fate, but after a while were separated from each other.

After my departure the group I had once been in had began falling apart. They must've thought it was time to move on, which was true, but we should still be friends like before. Distance shouldn't destroy the bond we had made for years that easily. It's all unfair.

Lonliness wouldn't spare me one bit- I suffer because of this! Why must all good things come to an end? I do not have the power to change the course of events. I must stay and let life do its job. I smile though, but inside its empty. There's no one to support me now like before. Maybe this is my punishment for being so indifferent to those who love me But when I did realize my mistakes it's all too late. There's no turning back now, no way to come home.

They also say that home is where the heart is...but in the present predicament I am in, my home is only half complete. The other half of the heart is broken, dead...and ight not come back again. How can a person live with only half a heart?

I had moved on long ago, but a part of me still waits...and remembers.

It shall stay there and never will look forward. It will not come back to be my other half. Just like them.

I shall continue forward all alone, never finding peace.

Like a lost soul in purgatory.

Unfair?

Right now I'm pissed.

I can't help thinking why the world is cruel. We moved here for a better future, not for a worse situation. I mean, it's my father. He works hard, harder than his siblings can ever do. He comes home at 11:30 in the night and goes to work early in the morning, whereas the others get to stay at home and go to work if they want to. Where's the justice in that?

The other thing is, our grandparents never seem to appreciate his efforts. Then a jealous husband of one of his siblings is on to wreck havock-who knew such monstrosity could exist!

If only we could go to a place where we would remain unbothered, happy and contented. The fact is that we still don't have enough money to be able to get out of here, but surely in time we would be free (haha, so dramatic).

Summer's boring. Period.