Another long day...

My summer is boring. In fact, I'd rather go to school again.

Our forum is fixed again at least. but he's there so it's kinda awkward...I really like this guy, but he likes my best friend instead. That's what hurts the most. I do everything for him to notice me, but he treats me like some dirt because I'm not good enough.

And I guess there's no way that he'd like me anyway. I'm too much for my own good. He doesn't like emo. He wants someone who'd contradict him. Not someone who's like him...

So when we're online at the same time, I ignore this person. If he posts something for me I don't answer back. I don't want to talk, I just want to get away.

T_T My life sucks.

Rain, rain go away...it's gone! O_O

The day started oddly enough. I woke up at 7:00 and came out to eat a toast or two. After that I proceeded to my usual morning ceremonies. By 8:00 I was playing DOTA on the computer.

After one session it started to rain. This was surprising because It hardly rained here in Zamboanga. I celebrated for a minute (no reason) and continued playing.

Then the ligths went out.

I was angry. Furious! I walked to the balcony and breathed the sweet, damp air to cool down.

Five minutes later it was gone.

The rain was gone. The sun was shining once again, erasing traces of the weather five minutes earlier from the ground. What the-?

At least the lights are back. =3

A Realization.

I know there was a saying that goes, 'You don't know what you have till it's gone". For some time I thought that this was just a saying from a man who thinks himself wise. But after my recent 'move on' I realized that this wasn't some crap after all.

You see, I had been brought to a place far, far away from where I had grown and lived in. It hurt to leave everything behind of course, and I guess I was the last one of the family who recovered. Perhaps I haven't yet. There will be no more laughs with my friends, no more sneaking around the faculty room to get a peak at my English teacher- and I miss them all. I guess I'll never have a chance to study at SPCP again, because after I graduate I'm moving on to Canada, where my friends would most unlikely be.

Today I've been cleaning my room, and while doing so I found those happy little memoirs of before hidden inside my drawers and cabinets. I didn't cry anymore-I thought that it was useless now. Crying won't bring back anything, won't change the course of my present state.

I wish that when I had the chance, I had been the best friend there could ever be to my friends. I wish we never had argued over little things, never had doubted each other. There are so many could-have-beens. One of them was graduating Grdae school with them.

We were all tied up in the same string of fate, but after a while were separated from each other.

After my departure the group I had once been in had began falling apart. They must've thought it was time to move on, which was true, but we should still be friends like before. Distance shouldn't destroy the bond we had made for years that easily. It's all unfair.

Lonliness wouldn't spare me one bit- I suffer because of this! Why must all good things come to an end? I do not have the power to change the course of events. I must stay and let life do its job. I smile though, but inside its empty. There's no one to support me now like before. Maybe this is my punishment for being so indifferent to those who love me But when I did realize my mistakes it's all too late. There's no turning back now, no way to come home.

They also say that home is where the heart is...but in the present predicament I am in, my home is only half complete. The other half of the heart is broken, dead...and ight not come back again. How can a person live with only half a heart?

I had moved on long ago, but a part of me still waits...and remembers.

It shall stay there and never will look forward. It will not come back to be my other half. Just like them.

I shall continue forward all alone, never finding peace.

Like a lost soul in purgatory.